BETWEEN THE DIAGNOSIS
Life is full of stressors
I, adamant about not being called disordered
Don’t ask – Don’t tell
Leave me alone
Do ask – Do tell
For I am caught in a place in-between heaven and hell
It’s as if I am in a humvee in a small insignificant convoy…
Aimlessly driving…
The lead vehicle hit…can you say “I-E-D”?
The third and last vehicle has disappeared from my dream and in reality
So I am stuck in-between the convoy
“in” and “tween” either demolished or ousted
only I “be” left or is it right
damn politics add to my jam
“Con-Voy” – like “Em-manu-el” – without.
“man-you” alone “with” out “El” – even God
without “con” in “voy” – I am nothing!
I am in-be-tween diagnosis: PTSD – TBI
Something not right
Don’t ask me to take drugs prescribed by pharmacology
Don’t tell me I’m disordered
My stress is post traumatic
Spiritual, emotional, psychological and in-between
How about Post Traumatic Stress Disabled…or even Dead?
Part of me is dead to something about life
Something that not even suicidal death will heal
Could be a good thing – don’t know
I thought I had this “thing” beaten like my president said:
“Mission Accomplished!”
Oops!
Thought I was unscathed
Macho and strong enough to shake it off
Told my story in a book I published
But whiney anonymous people kept speaking
Through their patriotic hypocrisy:
“Don’t tell me the truth of an unjust war. – Don’t ask me to look at my part.”
Yep! The lie is simple – we never learned from Vietnam, Cold War or Korea
War sucks… the life out of our given world…and for whatever its worth…me
Throughout the years war has been glorified…even if undeclared or unjustified
O thus be it ever, when free men shall stand
Between their loved homes and the war’s desolation
Blessed with victory and peace
May the heaven’s rescued land praise the Power that has made
And preserved us a nation…
Then conquer we must, if our cause it is just…
I be still caught in-between my founding fathers…
and the pursuit of liberty, justice and peace for all
enemies real or perceived are part of all
Throughout the years of our young nation, war has been glorified
Fight is might
Our Founding Fathers (and might I add Founding Mothers?)
handed down to us anxieties, constitution, stress, land, freedom
and making a living off war like in the sales… or aid
of weapons of mass destruction…yes, U.S…Ah!
Using, not loving our enemies
Using, not seeing how we enslave other countries to terror and devastation
I HATE WAR – War is Hell – Just ask FDR and the Memorial
Close to Arlington National where over 20 men I held are buried
The Founding Fathers didn’t find or found anything…
Except a beacon of hope
To live in peace where…
All people are not created disordered, but
All men and women are created ordered and equal
Our country we love was born of wars and glory
Our country is still seeking peace
…but we haven’t found it yet
The hope of course is in our Founding Mothers, at least in spirit…
Who will have enough of Gold Star Mothers and Fathers
Who will have enough of wounded warriors and disordered children
returned to struggle and demons and suicide
When and if we recognize that,
“War is the defeat of humanity” to quote a pope JPII of late,
If all are created equal –not disordered, not partisan
—not more or less patriotic
–not even richer nor poorer
Then we have a chance of being founding fathers and mothers
of the first nation that does not crumble, disorder or collapse from within
The Founding Fathers and Mothers
encourage us to keep Amendments coming
until we find the right path to a true homeland security
and a motto, “In God We Trust!”
formed and made of inalienable rights
for all people of good will – all faiths
all Native Americans
and the rest of us all immigrants
brought here weary of oppression, slavery and lost
all enemies no more…foreign nor domestic in the post traumatic
Until then…
I be “in-be-tween” the diagnosis…like my wounded country
The brain in-be-tween the traumatic—injury
ron moses camarda +
***Ron served as a catholic chaplain in the fierce battle of Fallujah from October to December in 2004. He received casualties every day from 9-11 to 12-24 while at Bravo Surgical – am M.A.S.H. type Marine Medical Battalion. He personally received over 1500 casualties and 81 deaths; over 12 died in his arms. He also journeyed into the city of Fallujah many times while the battle was still raging and in the aftermath to minister the sacraments to the Marine, Navy and Army troops. He has not been diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) or TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury). It could be a thing of pride or maybe, just maybe, it is something much deeper and mysterious.
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