14 YEARS AGO…TODAY!

26 August 2000     +

Mom, she died just two weeks ago.

Seems like two years.

            I’ve cried all night, like a rainy day.

Needing to be alone

                        all day

                        and now all night.

O Beloved,

I miss my mom.

You know this,

            and you desire my heart…

            which is broken.

What you want with a broken heart, I just don’t know.

It probably has a little cholesterol and stress damage.

            But you still want it,

demand it.

Will you fix it?

Something tells me that you won’t be making it stronger,

and that I’m about to experience

            more brokenness

            through love.

How does the soul, the spirit, survive?

            It doesn’t.

            I figured.

You, O God, don’t want us to stay too long here,

            too much grief is unbearable

            and helps us let go

            of this crazy world

Love and brokenness and grief and joy

They all go together.

Heal us O Lord,

Now!

I’m listening…

 

******

I wrote this exactly 14 years ago today, 13 days after my mother died. She was a remarkable woman who raised 9 children. She took the picture of my father holding my hand with his right hand and my sister with his left hand. Sometimes I want to go back to that day and just be totally in the moment. My oldest brother Ray is getting married in 17 days for the second time. My mother once shared with me at my youngest brother’s wedding as we danced, “The Camarda boys stay married.” I think she is wrong on this one. However, she would tell me even now, “The suffering makes life more fun most times.” I am excited to welcome another sister-in-love to this crazy family. If we only let go of our expectations… we will enjoy life so much more. Have a blessed week and remember to dance with your whole soul. Love, joy, peace! Ron +